I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
