I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
