totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
