Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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