I just pynch a tree in the face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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