I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
