then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
