woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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