Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
