he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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