I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
