He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
