it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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