PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
