over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You're like the curious george of whores
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
