Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
