I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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