My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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