I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
