I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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