I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize