He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who died my cat blue again?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
