READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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