Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
