so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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