I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
