He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
