ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
