I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
