So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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