I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.