From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
