i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
that's an acceptable place to lick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat