Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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