You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
