She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
