the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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