Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just had sex bonerless
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize