I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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