We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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