you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
