Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
