considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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