and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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