New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
