I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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