i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
