giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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