A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
