So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
