Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
