We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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