Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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