Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
