then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
