Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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