Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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