So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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