Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
