1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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